Football
I am an analytical person. At times this serves me well, at times it does not. In the dating days of Robert and Sara, I realized that if I was going to be spending all of my time with this man, I should try to enjoy the things that he enjoys. The thing he happened and happens to enjoy most of all: football, namely the Denver Broncos. One Sunday afternoon I decided to settle in next to him on the couch in my living room to watch a bit of throw the pigskin from one heavily padded man in uniform to the other heavily padded man in the same color uniform while the other heavily padded men in the opposite color uniform tried to stop the pigskin from moving. Okay, so I was not that ignorant or naïve about the game but if I am going to do something it’s not going to be half assed, and if I am going to watch this sport I want to understand it, really understand it.
My husband is not the sort of man who likes to have a chat; especially during football and no way in hell does he want to start up a conversation when the orange and blue are on the field. I sat in silence with him; I was in silence, he was yelling some choice words at the screen and the players. They couldn’t hear him, they had their helmets on. Once half time was over and the Broncos were winning, I decided it was time to ask a few questions. I started with; how many men are on the field at once? Easy! 22 players, 11 from each team. The guy who gets his rear touched by the Quarterback is the Center right: Right. The end zone is the 10 yard line to the goal, yes? Yes! A few similar questions followed and he answered them curtly, then it happened. The analytical Sara sat straight up in her chair, squared her shoulders, tucked her hair behind her ears, folded her hands nicely in her lap and asked the question: what is a down? Please see dialogue exchange below:
Sara: What’s a down?
Robert: What do you mean what’s a down?
Sara: Well, you said each team has four attempts to get a first down right?
Robert: Yeah.
Sara: So, what’s a down?
Robert: It’s a down, if they get 10 yards they get a first down, IT’S A DOWN!
Sara: Okay, I get that but what is a down? What is the definition of a down? Is the ball down? Is the player down? Is the whole team down because they can’t get a down and they need some Gatorade to make them feel better and not be so down?
Robert: …..
This went on for a record 45 minutes and was never really resolved. You see, men who really like football don’t have time to explain these things, especially to a woman who has to know every minute detail to what she wants to understand what the heck is going on amongst the grass and painted lines. Men, just want to watch the game, yell at the screen and celebrate along with the team and fellow fans. It may not have been a “is this chicken or tuna” conversation but in the land of men and football, it might as well have been.
I can say that I still don’t have my definition of a down, I get the concept but I don’t have the definition, not my definition of a definition. Today, we will still watch the men throw the pigskin around when in season. The 11 players from each team take the field and have their go at their downs; the center still gets felt up. I mention the losing team needs some Gatorade to lighten their spirits; I get silence as his response. I still try to be a part of this world of football, even though I use non-football related terms to translate a play that he couldn’t be in front of the TV to see at the time. He corrects me with the appropriate terminology and I respond “that’s what I said, booty traps!” After eight years together, he is getting used to it!
